Memory - #15 Harley Davidson Outfit 3T

There were six children in my family and the year Andy gave Alexandria the Harley Davidson outfit we drew names. I don’t remember if we only exchanged gifts for the kids that year. But I do remember her opening the outfit. It was the perfect gift because it suited her – at 3 she was a mix of 100% girly girl and 100% tomboy. So a denim overall skirt with leather straps perfectly fit her style and it fit Andy’s style, too. He loved riding his bike.

The next Christmas he was ill and we all wanted to believe he would recover. He didn’t. For a couple of years after his death we didn’t exchange gifts at all. I don’t know why I don’t talk about my brother more. I guess because, even though the years have passed, it isn’t easy.

In my work I’m constantly meeting new people. If anyone asks about siblings, I usually tell them I have four sisters. Some people go on and ask, “Any brothers?” I feel guilty if I answer no and yet it is a bit psycho if I just say ‘yes’ as though he were still alive. My sisters and nieces do walkathons for cancer. I feel like I should do something – something.

I heard a speaker say at the age of 9, she learned of her uncle who had died before she was born and she felt as though she had been lied to because she didn’t know of him sooner. I don’t want to be that way with my kids. I want them to know about Andy. My Mom, aunts and Grandma made memory bears after he died (pictured above.) Andy’s memory bear is appropriately made of denim and wearing leather. I’m thankful that I still have it.